You know what I don't like?

People who pull into a gated parking lot (read:  you have to pay to park here), try and back up (read: into my car), decide they can't get out because you can't back into a busy street, so they go into the parking lot, turn around and yell "Go F*** yourself" at said innocent car.

I love stupid people.  My policy on this: Don't blame me because you can't figure out the parking gate without having a kiniption-fit.  And if you can't, maybe you shouldn't be driving.

Sooooo tempted....

To put the following picture up on the door of the dude who lives above me in response to his loud music.

http://www.asofterworld.com/nn.com/

I have taken to using my sorority paddle to bang on the ceiling when he gets too loud, which is basically every day.  And makes me the crotchety old lady that lives downstairs.  And I'm kind of ok with that.  What I'm not ok with is the fact that it does no good because I don't think he can hear the banging over the music.  Must work on better plan, even though this one makes me feel better.

And this is one reason that I'm moving into what Maureen likes to call "The old Jewish lady building"*.  Reason its called this:  when all the old Jewish ladies outlive their husband's they move into this building (or at least they use to, now its 25% old jewish ladies, 75% "young professionals").  No joke, its this ugly blue building but its in a great neighborhood with no less than two grocery stores, three bars, five restaurants, a coffee shop, and two banks within walking distance.  And we all know how little I like to walk (notice how often Bagel and I drove to school) so you've gotta know they're close.  Oh, and did I mention its on the 10th floor with a killer view?  I'm a little excited about it.  Except that my potential landlord has a tendency to call me "dear" or "sweetie" which I find to be patronizing, but he's either really trusting or underestimating me because he's letting me write my own lease**

That's it from KC, signing off.  More stories to come!

*Bagel, I may not be able to turn you into an old Jewish man, but stick with me and I may be able to turn you into an old Jewish woman.

**Don't get too excited kids, I'm using the standard lease form provided courtesy of my father, no fun clauses in this one.  I did some negotiating (basically saying, "Umm, that clause isn't legally enforceable" and then offered the standard form.  I win ;)

The international welcome wagon, part deux

Evidently I am having the most random night of my life.

Backstory:  Last week in my long day haze I left my keys in my apartment door (not smart and so not safe) by accident when I brought groceries in.  Evidently some guy who lives down the hall from me saw them and took them out, knocked to try and get my attention (didn't answer, I think I was showering, which is irrelevant).  But later I am looking for said keys for about 30 minutes (repeat list of places I searched when I lost my key card two weeks ago...microwave...refrigerator...underbed) and then think "hey, maybe I left them in the door".  I do this sometimes, including leaving my keys hanging out of my mailbox at ND.  

So I pop my head out the door and as soon as I do a note falls onto the floor.  I pick up said note and it says that a guy who I shall call Keys who lives in apartment 228 has my keys and to call him so I could get them back.  Which sounds creepy when you type it out but really was a nice thing to do.  I probably would have taken them to the front desk, but to each their own.  So I call said number, get my keys from Keys, who is very obviously an Indian foreign exchange student of some sort, say thanks and go off on my merry little way.

Enter tonight:  I just get finished writing my post about VB Nazi and I get a text message that says "Hi!  This is Keys who had your keys the other day." and he proceeds to tell me that he's going to dinner and a hooka bar this weekend and would I like to come.

Inner dialog:  Wait, did he just ask me out over text messaging?  Is this a group thing?  How do I figure this out?  Damn it!  What the hell am I going to talk to Keys about? (Keep in mind that I have not decided whether or not to go). Squirrel!*  Wait, what do I wear on a non-date?  Can I wear something that makes him know this is a non-date?  No high heels, obviously.  Damn it!  How do I not be bitchy and say no?  Crap.  Why am I saying no?  Does this make me judgy?  Oh wait, remember last time you pity dated and almost ended up with a marriage proposal.**  Ok, not going.

Actual response:  My weekend is pretty crazy but I may be able to make it for a while.  If you let me know this weekend when you guys are going, I'll see what I can do but I don't want to hold you all up.  (trying trying trying to establish a group and head off hurting Keys feelings if he actually was asking me out***)

Actual action:  Plan on not going, feel guilty about saying that I would try to go as an avoidance tactic, depending on guilt complex go OR run away to power and light district for Mr Dismemberment Insurance's and KC clan.

Really more to come on this one.

*Ok, not really squirrel but I'm sure something equally as random like "I'm hungry" popped into my head during this stream of inner dialog

**Again not really, but you all know who I'm talking about and if you don't email me and I'll explain.  I couldn't come up with a good code name, I'm taking suggestions.

***Very possible he didn't actually ask me out and my inner dialog took over and created a situation that may or may not have been there.  Hasn't been the first time that's happened, right?

Did you play in college?

Oh lordy, I've got a good one for you guys.  I put up a "classified" on the Heartland of America Volleyball website to try and find a team in KC that I could play on once I got back here.  Because we all know that I am a much happier person when I get to play volleyball and when I don't, watch out cause it ain't* going to be pretty.

I digress.  When I was in college I got picked up by a team of middle aged women to play on their club team...which was fun but definitely not up to my ability.  They were awsome ladies and I had so much fun, but I'm looking for something a little more serious.  Notice the words "a little".  I definitely think I got myself into something more tonight.  I get a call this morning while I'm in BarBri from some guy saying he saw my posting looking for a team and that I had listed myself as A (the categories are B, BB, A, AA) and a setter and played co-ed.  All true statements and his message sounded pretty chill so I figured give it a shot right?  Step out of the comfort box and make some new friends.

At any rate, I get no response after I leave a voicemail this afternoon.  But then I get a text message from this kid (we'll call him the VB nazi for blog purposes) at 9:40PM and all it says is "Did you play in college?"  Can we guess what my internal reaction to that was.  Rage.  For some reason volleyball is one of the few things I get uppity about** and I get real annoyed with people who adopt a superior attitude without having proved it.  And I might add that playing in college is not a pre-requisite for playing in an A league.  So I managed to push down my rage enough to respond that I did not play in college but played open gyms regularly throughout college and law school.  Unfortunately there is no good way to explain the competitiveness of Notre Dame open gyms to someone who judges skill by whether or not you played for your college or not.  And then I said that I get that they want to make sure that players are as good as they say they are so I would be happy to come to a practice or informal game sometime after July***  At any rate, then I get a call from VB Nazi...and he sounds like he's 17.

During my conversation with VB Nazi there were questions like "How tall are you?" and "Do you know the numbers for all the sets?" and other such patronizing comments.  And just so you all know that I didn't lose all my snark since coming back to KC my response to the question about the numbers for all the sets was "I can set all the set numbers, so yeah I know them all"****  At any rate, VB Nazi evidently didn't listen to my voicemail because there were all sorts of mention of playing in July, and I had to remind him numerous times that I can't play until August because of the bar.  Try explaining how much time it takes to both work and study for the bar to a non-law student.  Trust me, its fun.  But I have tentatively agreed to try and go out and meet them on Sunday for an "informal" game, which I have a bad feeling will turn into a tryout that will make me want to spike a ball at someone's (insert VB Nazi) head.

Better yet, VB Nazi had me friend him on facebook so that he could send me their volleyball schedule, which is a fine idea actually.  And then I see that he just graduated in '06 so he's probably about 22.  Also not bad, except that he talked to me like he was superior despite being younger AND sounding like a 17 year old.  The best part of the facebook stalking I could do at that point (more to come once I get full access to the profile), and I see he went to Park University.  Its a freaking community college*****  And they're in the NAIA meaning its a tiny school.  Its not like this kid played at a freaking Division I, or even Division II or III.  Don't get uppity with me buddy, I could have played at your school.  Also, we're in Missouri; outside of St. Louis none of the boys know how to play volleyball around here.  This is not California.

For those of you who aren't privy to my volleyball rants** I apologize, but come on.  Stop talking about playing against each other "in college" and making it sound like you went to some D-I school and play like Abrahem.******

Ok, rant done.  More to come after I meet these people.  And BTW, if VB Nazi turns out to be a really nice no one gets to hold this against me later...

*My dear English major and grammar Nazi friends excuse the use of the word ain't...I do math.

**Quiet Megan ;)

***Yes, the bar is ruining my life.

****Followed by an explanation to the VB Nazi that in different geographical areas the sets are called different numbers and different teams have different nuances on their systems.  Yes, I get uppity sometimes.

*****Nothing wrong with community college, I will make my point about the athletics though.  Even though many junior colleges turn out good basketball players and probably volleyball players as well I still take issue with this kid.

******Swoon.

Favorite quotes from BarBri (ok, from so far today even)

1. "In Florida you can marry your mother...unless she's gay"

2. "If a ten year professor, Professor Rougueau, snaps up the offer...blah blah blah"  The quote itself, not so interesting, the fact that he mentioned our beloved Vinny made me so happy though!!!

More (and different posts) soon, promise!

The B list

All of my comments for this Blog start with a B, how clever! (yes, it took me a long time to think of it and I'm proud of it)

BarBri (ok, that one was easy)

1.  I have the ultimate group of "mean girls" who sit in front of me at BarBri.  Picture this: 2 bleach blond girls and 1 brunette, all overly tan and wearing giant engagement rings.  That's not the issue though, just giving you a visual here.  Every single days these three girls walk in saying things like "well I went and did a workout with Andre [insert any name that sounds like it belongs to a personal trainer] at 7:30 this morning" which was fine.  Until the day when one of them followed it up with "and did you see that girl who came in and got on the elliptical for like 20 minutes and then left.  Cause that's a workout!  And she looked so proud of herself, like, I worked out today!"  This is the moment where my head about blew off...I did throw them an incredulous look, but being "mean girl" types they didn't notice.  Mocking people who aren't as physically fit (ok, I'm going to be mean and say it.  Not as vain as you), is not ok.  These are the people who give other people anxiety about going to the gym.  The UV rays they've been getting must have damaged the part of their brain that stores manners and kindness.

2. Made legitimate friends with the smoker crowd, which confused evil dictator because he thought I took up smoking.  I was amused.

3.  Wanted to throw something at the professor talking about Missouri Civil Procedure today because:

(a) When you write a 93 page outline, you don't get to go off on tangents every 5 minutes and call it "going off outline".  With that many pages to cover in two days, everything you want to say better be in the outline. I wish I had counted the number of times the phrases "going off outline" and "on outline" were said over the past two days.

(b)  He didn't understand what a mnemonic device was.  I'm no English major (obvious from my sentence structure, grammar, and spelling), but even I know that "If you just make preclusion a priority, failure is impossible" is not a mnemonic for the elements of collateral estoppel.  Or at least not one worth taking 5 minutes to explain.  It was almost as long as the elements run together were!

B List Friend

And on to the B List.  I'm going to a wedding this weekend for one of my old roommates from college, which needless to say will be...interesting.  I feel like I handled myself well at the bachelorette party last weekend as I made zero snarky comments, despite ample provocation.  Today I get a call from one of them inviting me to come up and stay with them (tonight mind you, at a city an hour away) because another of the old roommates couldn't make it tonight like planned.  Like, literally said "Well J isn't coming anymore, so now we have room for you if you want to come." How I love the pity invite to the B List friend!

Best surprise ever and a Baby to boot!

Christina came to visit KC last night!  Although I had some notice so it wasn't a complete surprise, it still counts cause I didn't know until Sunday and she visited on Thursday.  We went to dinner with Christina's mom, uncle, cousin, and of course big D (who's got some amazingly curly hair going on).  We tried to go to an Italian deli, which turned out closed before we got there.  I don't know what kind of restaurant closes at 8PM on a Thursday, but evidently its this kind.  But it did give me a chance to show off my knowledge of Kansas City to find another restaurant!  So good to see you Christina!

Stay tuned, eventually I will come up with a story worth of this blog's title

You know you had a long weekend when...

The first thing your supervisor says when she sees you is "You look really tired!"

Staying out until 4AM + BarBri=very bad idea

Messy Desk...

Yes, I'm running out of clever titles for the posts, but I'll work on it I promise.  Here's a picture of my desk situation.  In my opinion this is totally out of control and this is only the 2nd day I've actually tried to do BarBri stuff!  Although I do really like the colored note cards (lower right side) I found, except that they're different colors on each side which makes my symmetry loving heart a little sad.

Thing that I've actually done for BarBri

1. Carried the Missouri Lecture Handouts around.  Not actually reviewed it.  That'd be too much.

2. Did one MPT and wanted to cry.

3. Made pretty note cards until my hand cramped up.  For those of you who were wondering, it took 2 1/2 hours before I gave in.  It would have been 3 except that I took a break to go get a candy bar and pop....mmmm caffeine free diet coke and Hershey bar.

4.  Attempted to awkwardly make friends at BarBri.  I may have succeeded but only to the extent of there are two girls that are smokers who put up with me when I come outside during breaks, don't smoke, and jump into the conversation...I think one of them is taking it better than the other one.  Note to self: Smokers are way friendlier than the general population when it comes to small talk, but that rule doesn't really apply unless you are smoking too :(

5. This isn't for BarBri, but it was funny in an "oh you silly Lynn" kind of way.  Lost my ID card to get into my building.  I was literally trapped in my apartment because if I left I had no way to get back in!  Blast!  After looking around for 15 to 20 minutes in every place I could think of (emptied out the purse 4 times, looked under the couch cushions, under the couch, in the refrigerator*, in the microwave*, in the trash**, in the laundry basket, in all the pockets of my cloths for today four times, and in all my drawers many of which hadn't been opened today), I finally found it sitting on my bed hidden hidden under my comforter.  I'm not completely sure how it got there in the 1 1/2 I'd been home, except that it may have fallen out of my pocket when I threw my work cloths on it.  I'll never know, needless to say I thought I'd lost my mind!

 

*Every once in a while when I lose my keys they end up in the refrigerator, I don't ask how.  I've never had them end up in the microwave but I know people who have so I thought it was safer to check.

**I had just cleaned out Hank's litter.  Not. Pleasant.  Pretty sure if I'd seen it I would have put on rubber gloves before I reached in there or left it outside the door of the kid who lives upstairs.  Not really.  Well, maybe.

And now I don't feel bad...

For narcing*  on the kid who lives above me for the music/loud banging on the floor, because evidently he finds this to be an appropriate thing to do every night!

I am this (picture fingers really close together) from going up there and ruling** on this kid again tonight.

*You can tell I watch too many cop shows by my use of the word "narc".  I don't know why I find it so amusing, but I do. 

**I'm not exactly sure what ruling consists of, but it sounded a lot like righteous indignation to me, which is where I'm at right now.

I never should have lived in student housing again.

There's a first time for everything

This week has been an entertaining mix of "firsts" and doing things I generally avoid.  I couldn't think of anything better to write about, so you all get a list of things I've been doing that are unusual for me.

1.  Learned how to make a smoothie.  Seems like a small accomplishment but I didn't have a recipe and I had to learn how to use "The Magic Bullet" blender.  Scary.  And I almost broke it.

2. Narced on the kid who lives above me.  But really, playing music that can be heard the floor below you at midnight on a Sunday is just not ok.  Imagine having one of those cars with the booming base...in your bed room.  As a quick note though, I did go up and ask him to turn it down so I gave him a chance before I narced to the RA about him.  Yes, we have RA's here.  I truely live in a college dorm.

3.  Watched Maureen almost get picked up walking down the street.  Seeing Maureen get picked up, not unusual, but by a total stranger on the street was new.

4. Got up at 6:40 to go workout this morning.  Maureen had an appointment with her trainer and I need some motivation so I went with her and ended up doing an hour of cardio (also a first for me, usually I last 30 minutes tops.)

5. Played (will play tonight) on an intermural team associated with my work.  I've played on plenty of teams for other people's work, but this is the first time I've actually worked at the place.

6. Went back to Rockhurst for the first time in 3 years.  I had to buy a sweatshirt for a friend's cousin who is coming here next year for a graduation present (long story).  Won't lie, I got in and out as quickly as possible to avoid the awkward run in with people who 3 years ago knew you pretty well but now can't even remember your name.  I was successful; take that awkwardness!

Ok, I think that's it for now.  I'm sure I will continue to learn more new things over the summer that I should have learned years ago :)